Recently on Trending with Timmerie, Timmerie discussed the duration of modern relationships, why that can be harmful to couples, and why people should stop looking for reasons to wait on marriage and start looking for the reasons to take the next step.
Timmerie said that she and her husband actually fell into the same trap that so many couples do and they dated “way longer” than either of them is happy to admit. But because of that, she knows firsthand all of the scary things that keep people from going through with it. It could be that a couple isn’t happy with their financial situation, their location, their jobs, or they might be thinking of pursuing their dreams instead of getting married right away.
Timmerie urged her listeners, many of whom are young adults, to remember that dating is not aimed at companionship. Companionship is part of it, but dating is ultimately about discernment for marriage and the possibility of starting a family. While we want to be sure we’re marrying the right person for the right reasons, we also want to be conscious of other people’s time.
“Gentleman, I hope you’ll listen to me: Don’t waste a woman’s fertile years, years where she could have children by not marrying her, by getting comfortable in the relationship, by being selfish and just wanting to have someone to spend time with but who you are not willing to commit to for the rest of your life.”
And to the ladies, Timmerie cautioned them to avoid playing coy when the idea of marriage is put on the table. It’s very difficult for people out there to finally reach the level of commitment where they want to get married. And when the other person won’t get on the same page but also won’t let the other person go, that leads to heartbreak.
“They’re saying, ‘I’m out of the dating scene.’ It’s amazing to see how many young men are saying, ‘I’m not interested anymore.’ So ladies, gentlemen: Let go and move forward if you’re not interested.”
On the other side of the spectrum, if marriage is on the table for both parties, neither one should feel apprehensive about bringing it up. If you’ve discerned that you are on the same page, let each other know that you want to get married and that you want to have kids.
In the creation story, God says to Adam and Eve, “Be fertile and multiply.” (Genesis 1:28) While He meant that men and women should get married and have kids, he also meant something else. We should allow this biological complementarity to spark a union that will move us forward to be fertile as human beings, as faithful adherents to God’s law, and as good spouses and parents. In this way, we will not only multiply in the human sense, but we will spread the faith through apostolate.
That brings us to the three reasons you should stop waiting and get married:
- Lifelong committed relationships are what make for the happiest people. Study after study has proven that by and large, the happiest people are those who get married, stay married, and foster loving relationships that mature through the years. If God is calling you to the married life, “You want to be happy? Get married. And do it right.”
- Having someone to sacrifice for gives meaning and purpose to what you do. It should be obvious but human beings are meant to be social creatures. But today, it’s not as obvious, so it’s worth saying again. And that doesn’t just mean social engagements or volunteering your time. While those can be a very good thing, we’re created for relationships; relationships that are filled with love, difficulty, struggle, sacrifice, and beckon each other to heaven. This is most bountifully found in marriage.
- Children make you a better person. That is at the heart of Catholic marriage. As the Catechism says, marriage is oriented toward the procreation and education of children. That means that in the context of marriage, we are always to remain open to the possibility of life. And if God blesses us with children, we are duty-bound to educate them in the faith and ensure they have the best chance of reaching eternal salvation with God.
Tune in to Trending with Timmerie weekdays at 6pm CT