Doug Hinderer brought in power couple Jim and Maureen Otremba to chat about the all-important skill of forgiveness in marriage. These two are pros: Jim is a seasoned therapist, and Maureen is a theology and ministry expert. Together, they unpacked what it takes to heal and thrive in marriage, and spoiler alert: it’s all about forgiving well.
Here are the highlights (and life-changing truths):
🛠️ Forgiveness = Key Marriage Tool
Doug nailed it: no marriage survives without forgiveness. You’re married to a human (newsflash!), so mistakes will happen. Forgiveness keeps your love alive and your hearts soft. 🫶
Start with Reconciliation
The Otrembas tie forgiveness to the Penitential Act at Mass. Just like we admit our brokenness before God, we have to admit it to our spouse. Oh, and hit confession regularly: there’s so much grace! (When’s the last time you went? No judgment. But…go! 🙌)
Forgiveness = Decision + Process
This isn’t about “waiting until you feel ready.” Jim says: choose forgiveness first, then process the hurt. Pro tip: Talk to trusted friends, a therapist, or a spiritual director to work through the messy feelings.
Forgiveness ≠ Excusing Behavior
Forgiving isn’t saying, “It’s okay.” It’s saying, “I let go of my resentment.” This distinction is 🔥. You release the hurt but still hold the offender accountable to God. Boundaries + mercy = true freedom.
Drop the Grudge (Again and Again)
Forgiveness isn’t a one-and-done. Sometimes you have to forgive the same offense over and over. (77 times, like Jesus said.) It’s a choice every time the hurt creeps back in.
Pray for Your “Enemy”
Got someone driving you nuts? Pray for them. If that’s hard, congratulations: you’re growing in virtue!
Forgiveness is Marriage Boot Camp
Marriage is basically a training ground for holiness. Every time your spouse messes up, you get an opportunity to grow in humility, patience, and love. What a deal! (Yes, even when they leave dishes in the sink again.) 😅
Doug even got personal, sharing a moment where he messed up big time with his wife after a rough day. The fix? He said, “I’m sorry,” and she came back with the most powerful phrase ever: “I forgive you.” 💬 Doug said that these are six magic words that keep couples going strong. (BTW, Maureen mentioned that we should stop saying “It’s okay” when it’s not. Say “I forgive you.” 🙌)
🤔 Why Does Forgiveness Matter?
Healthier YOU: Letting go lowers stress (hello, lower blood pressure). 🩺
Closer to God: “Forgive us as we forgive others” isn’t just a suggestion: it’s a commandment. 🙏
Better Marriage: Forgiveness strengthens love and intimacy. You stop keeping score and start living in freedom.
🚗 Even in Traffic…Forgive
The Otrembas remind us that forgiveness opportunities are everywhere. Cut off in traffic? Forgive. Spouse snapped at you because they’re hangry? Forgive. Didn’t see the green arrow? Forgive yourself! 😂
Doug says that marriage is full of chances to forgive because you’re with your spouse all day, every day. Instead of seeing it as annoying, see it as your path to sainthood.
❤️ Final Thought:
Your spouse isn’t perfect. (And neither are you, btw. 🤷♀️) Forgiveness doesn’t mean saying their mistakes are fine: it’s about letting go, moving forward, and growing together. Every “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” is a step closer to heaven, for both of you. 🕊️
Ready to forgive more? Your marriage will thank you.
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