When it comes to building a strong marriage, sometimes the best wisdom doesn’t come from books or experts – it comes from the men who have lived it. In this episode of Marriage Unhindered, Doug Hinderer shares advice gathered from husbands who have been married for 40, 50, even 60+ years. Their insights are simple, practical, and deeply rooted in both love and faith.
If you want your marriage to not just survive but thrive, here are powerful lessons straight from seasoned husbands.
Love Is a Choice, Not Just a Feeling
After 61 years of marriage, one husband shares that true love means daily choices: patience, forgiveness, humility, and striving to see your spouse through God’s eyes. Feelings come and go, but commitment endures.
View Marriage as a Path to Holiness
Another man of 49 years reminds us that struggles in marriage are not wasted – they are opportunities for sanctification. The harder the marriage, the greater the reward in heaven if we strive daily to help one another grow in holiness.
Reaffirm Your Commitment in Tough Times
Say it out loud: divorce is not an option. Couples who remove that word from their vocabulary are far more likely to find creative solutions and strengthen their bond.
Check in Every Day
Ask, “How was your day?” and then listen. Researchers at the Gottman Institute call this the stress-reducing conversation. It keeps resentment from piling up and creates space for affirmation and gratitude.
Let Them Vent Before Fixing
Men like to fix problems. Women often just want empathy first. Listening without jumping to solutions shows respect and builds emotional intimacy.
Stay Faithful and Guard Your Heart
Faithfulness is more than avoiding affairs. It’s about retraining your mind, avoiding dangerous situations, and keeping others at arm’s length. A wedding ring is a boundary.
Be Smart About Money
Money fights are one of the top causes of divorce. Save early, avoid debt, and treat all income as “our money,” not “mine and yours.” Discuss big expenses together.
Pick Your Battles
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Yield cheerfully on matters of preference, and above all, avoid contempt – because contempt is the #1 predictor of divorce.
Be Generous with Affection
Hug, kiss, hold hands, and express love often. Importantly, show affection without always attaching it to physical intimacy. Small gestures go a long way.
Be Best Friends
Marriage is easier and more joyful when spouses are buddies who laugh, banter, and share life together. Friendship builds a safe foundation for love.
Make Your Spouse Important
Don’t just “make her feel important” – live as if she is important. That means putting down your phone, making eye contact, and listening attentively.
Retain Your Individuality
Healthy couples balance togetherness with independence. Time apart for hobbies, friendships, or prayer helps prevent resentment and keeps the marriage fresh.
Kiss Like You Mean It
Never offer a halfhearted kiss. A real kiss is a powerful sign of love that keeps romance alive, even after decades.
Marry the Right Person (and Then Keep Choosing Them)
The deeper truth is that love grows when husbands and wives keep choosing each other, even in the messiest seasons. Sometimes men mature more when they marry someone who truly makes them better.
Say “Yes, Dear” More Often
Humor matters too. Sometimes the secret to peace in the home is as simple as letting your spouse have the last word – with grace.
Why This Advice Matters Today
These lessons align beautifully with Church teaching: marriage is both a covenant of love and a path of sanctification. Every challenge is an invitation to holiness, and every act of tenderness mirrors Christ’s love for His Church.
Whether you’ve been married a year or half a century, these words from older men remind us that strong marriages are built on daily acts of love, respect, and faith.
If you’re looking for more encouragement, you can listen to Hour 1 and Hour 2 of this highlight on the Relevant Radio app.
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