What happens when a wife avoids intimacy in marriage and doesn’t know how to explain why? On Marriage Unhindered, Doug Hinderer and guest Nathan Bartel responded to this tough marital question.
The caller, Mary, shared that she often pulls away from her husband and struggles to embrace intimacy with her husband in a healthy way. She also revealed something beautiful: before intimacy, she and her husband try to pray together. Nathan affirmed that right away. “This is holy ground,” he said. That simple phrase reframes marriage not as something selfish or shameful, but as part of God’s design.
Nathan also clarified that there is no single “right answer” to frequency in marriage. Instead, he pointed Mary back to prudence and charity. He encouraged her to become curious about her own heart: Why the hesitation? Why the avoidance? Sometimes the reason may be emotional, physical, relational, or spiritual.
Doug built on that insight with practical advice. First, he urged Mary to help her husband understand what is happening. Many spouses are not trying to be hurtful; they may simply be unaware. Honest conversation can open the door to tenderness and trust.
Second, Doug reminded listeners that love in marriage often involves sacrifice. At times, a spouse may offer generosity even when feelings are not perfectly aligned. But that gift should always be guided by charity, communication, and mutual care.
The conversation was a strong reminder that healthy Catholic marriage requires more than obligation. It calls for prayer, self-knowledge, and a willingness to lovingly enter one another’s world.
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