In this interview, host John Morales speaks with licensed marriage and family therapist, Doug Hinderer, about the top five things couples should know before getting married. Doug, who has been married for over 42 years, shares his insights based on his extensive experience working with couples.
The first important point Doug emphasizes is the need to understand and accept each other’s flaws and defects. He advises couples to identify and discuss these potential challenges before getting married, as it is essential to marry someone whose defects you can live with. He suggests seeking input from family and friends who may provide valuable perspectives.
The second point centers around understanding how your future spouse expresses love. Doug references C.S. Lewis’s four different loves: friendship (philia), gentleness and kindness (storge), physical expressions of love (eros), and sacrificial, unconditional love (agape). He advises couples to assess how their partner demonstrates these forms of love and to ensure compatibility in each area.
The third topic discussed is a conversation about how each partner feels about divorce. Doug highlights the importance of understanding each other’s views on divorce and exploring the circumstances under which divorce may be considered acceptable. This conversation helps couples assess their commitment to the marriage and their readiness to face challenges.
Money becomes the focus of the fourth point. Doug explains that individuals generally fall into two categories: spenders and savers. He highlights the potential conflicts that can arise when spenders marry savers and advises couples to openly discuss their attitudes toward money, spending habits, and financial goals to find alignment.
The final point addresses the couple’s thoughts on having children. Doug emphasizes that openness to life should be aligned and that children should be seen as a purpose of marriage. Couples should discuss how many children they desire and be open to God’s plan for their family. He emphasizes the importance of viewing children as a gift and a participation in God’s act of creation.
Throughout the interview, Doug provides practical advice and encourages couples to engage in open and honest conversations about these crucial topics before tying the knot. He also mentions his upcoming marriage prep workshop.