🚨 Parents, Stop the Criticism Spiral! 🚨 How to Build Up, Not Tear Down, Your Kids (Marriage Unhindered)

This episode of Marriage Unhindered is a must-listen for any parent who has criticized their kid a little too harshly. Doug Hinderer is joined by his therapist daughter, Monica Hinderer, to tackle the BIG question:

👉 How do we correct our kids’ bad behavior without damaging their self-esteem?

Catch the whole hour here!

🤦‍♂️ Why Criticism Backfires (BIG TIME)

Kids who grow up hearing constant negativity don’t just “brush it off.” Instead, that critical voice from Mom or Dad becomes their own inner critic: the voice that follows them into adulthood whispering:

“You’re not good enough.”

“You’ll never get it right.”

“You have to be perfect or you’re a failure.”

YIKES. 😬

Doug and Monica explain how this manifests in adulthood as:

✅ Low self-esteem

✅ Perfectionism

✅ Negative self-talk

✅ Struggles accepting compliments (No, I swear this dress is actually hideous!)

✅ Being overly critical of others (your spouse will LOVE this trait… not)

Hyper-defensiveness: the feeling that you’re always under attack and need to defend, defend, DEFEND!

👀 “I’m Not That Critical… Am I?”

Parents, consider this: Sometimes what we intend as teaching, our kids hear as criticism. 😲

Ever asked your child, “Why’d you do it like that?” or “What were you thinking?” even with the purest heart? They might still perceive it as judgment rather than guidance.

And if you have multiple kids, you know that some will shrug off correction, and others will melt into a puddle of self-doubt. (Sensitive kiddos, we see you. 👀)

🛠️ The Fix: Critique the Behavior, Not the Child

Doug shares an example: Instead of: “What’s WRONG with you?! You broke the window!”

Try: “Oops, the window broke. We need to be more careful where we throw the ball.

But wow, you’ve got a strong arm: you might be a future MLB pitcher!”

See the difference? One shames the child, the other corrects the action while affirming their worth. 🙌

💔 What If I’ve Already Messed Up? (We All Have.)

The good news? The repair matters MORE than the mistake.

If you overreacted, don’t double down: apologize! Doug and Monica say parents sometimes resist this because they think it will make them seem weak. Wrong!

💡 Apologizing teaches your child:

It’s okay to make mistakes.

It’s okay to own up and make amends.

Authority figures aren’t perfect (which will help them navigate life later!).

We expect our kids to go to confession, right? 🧐 Why not model seeking forgiveness ourselves?

🙌 Breaking the Cycle: A Message for Adults Who Grew Up With Constant Criticism

If you grew up in a hypercritical home, you might struggle to accept feedback, feel constantly on the defensive, or find it hard to see your own worth. Doug and Monica talk about healing from this:

✅ Recognizing the negative self-talk and replacing it with truth

✅ Taking it to prayer: asking God to show you your true worth

✅ Seeking therapy if needed (because Jesus + a good therapist = unstoppable healing)

Doug says this those still wrestling with their childhood wounds: “The final chapter of your story isn’t written yet.” You can rewrite the script. 🙏

🚨 Parents, take this episode as a challenge: Build your kids up, so they don’t have to spend their adulthood recovering from their childhood. ❤️

 

 

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Jake Moore serves as a Digital Audio Content Producer for Relevant Radio®. He is a graduate of Franciscan University of Steubenville, and is passionate about classic movies, Christian music, young adult ministry, and leading this generation to Christ through compelling media. You can listen to more of his podcasts at relevantradio.com and on the Relevant Radio® app.