A new TikTok trend called #BuildABoyfriend has women posting before-and-after photos showing how they’ve transformed their boyfriends’ appearances. From wardrobe upgrades to dramatic makeovers, the trend might seem harmless. But is there something more troubling beneath the surface?
On Trending with Timmerie, Timmerie explores how this viral phenomenon reveals a deeper problem in modern relationships: the temptation to control rather than love.
Timmerie highlights a woman featured in The Times who proudly described transforming her boyfriend’s appearance to resemble celebrities on a Pinterest board she created years earlier. His new look included a mullet, mustache, and nose ring.
While the story is entertaining, Timmerie raises an important question. Are we encouraging someone to become their best self, or trying to manufacture our ideal partner?
This temptation extends far beyond physical appearance.
Timmerie admits that even in marriage, she sometimes wishes her husband would think, communicate, or approach everyday tasks exactly as she does. But expecting another person to become a reflection of ourselves can lead to frustration, manipulation, and resentment.
“This is a cultural problem centered around control,” Timmerie explains.
The desire to change someone can even disguise itself as love, especially when we believe we know what is best for them.
Drawing from St. Thomas Aquinas and Pope Saint John Paul II, Timmerie reminds listeners that human beings must never be treated merely as a means to achieving our desires. Authentic love recognizes each person’s God-given dignity and freedom.
“We receive them as an individual. We embrace that person. I’m not just talking about a physical embrace, but we embrace them. They’re seen. They’re loved.”
Loving someone doesn’t mean approving every behavior. It means recognizing their inherent worth while encouraging genuine growth.
Whether you’re dating, newly married, or celebrating decades together, ask yourself whether you’re loving the person God placed before you, or the person you wish they would become?
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