My Son is Living with His Girlfriend. Is it OK to Go to Thanksgiving at Their House?

Thanksgiving is a time when families come together, sharing food and happy memories. It can also be a time that highlights differences between family members, which has the potential to cause tension or even great division.

Situations involving a family member’s relationship can be especially fraught. If you have family members who are in relationships that run contrary to your faith, how can you show them your love without seeming to endorse their relationship?

This was the question posed by a listener recently on The Patrick Madrid Show. The listener’s son divorced years ago, did not seek an annulment of his first marriage, and recently moved in with his new fiancee. The son extended an invitation to Thanksgiving at his home, and the listener asked Patrick if going to their home for the holiday would be an implicit endorsement of their living situation. Patrick responded:

“I’m not saying this flippantly, but they are not going to be committing the sin of fornication while you’re there. You’re there in their home, sharing a meal, doing something good, keeping the lines of communication open. And by sharing a meal with them, there is no actual endorsement of any other sin that they may be committing. That’s how I look at this.

If they were asking you to come to their housewarming party, for example, if they said, ‘Hey, we’re moving in together and having a housewarming party.’ Then I would say I’m not going to do that. Because that would be an overt way of approving of (or seeming to approve of) something that is wrong. But to have a meal? I think I would go and try to do some good if I could.

And maybe here’s a parting thought to think about. Let’s think for a moment about the North American Martyrs. They went to what is now southern Canada/northern New York state. And they went to a culture where they had multiple wives, they practiced all kinds of things that we would never condone, including torture and human sacrifice. They went and lived with these people. They learned their language, ate their food, lived among them as a way to win them over for Jesus.

And this, in a way, kind of reminds me of that kind of thing, but in a different situation. You’re almost like a missionary going into a mission field. These are people who are welcoming you in, they are willing to have table fellowship with you, they obviously like you. So you are in a perfect position to be able to evangelize them.

Certainly it’s not going to take place all at once. But if you can start building this connection with them, and over time they come to admire you and trust your wisdom, I have a feeling that good things can come from this. But if you say, ‘No, sorry. We’re not going to come over because you’re living together.’ I have a feeling they might just say, ‘OK, enough with them’ and move on.”

Listen to the full conversation below:

The Patrick Madrid Show airs weekdays from 9:00 – noon Eastern/6:00 – 9:00 a.m. Pacific on Relevant Radio® and the Relevant Radio App.

Stephanie Foley serves as a Digital Media Producer at Relevant Radio®. She is a graduate of Franciscan University of Steubenville, where she studied journalism, and she has worked in Catholic radio for 12 years. Stephanie is a wife, a mother of three boys, and in her free time she enjoys reading, running, and really good coffee. You can find more of Stephanie’s writing at and on the free Relevant Radio mobile app.