“I’ve been a long-time listener, and I’m struggling with faith and belief in God, and I have no sense of His presence or love for me. And I feel angry and abandoned and like I’m being punished by Him.”

That was Erin, a listener of The Patrick Madrid Show from La Habra, CA who called in to ask Patrick why she felt so lost in a time when she needed Our Lord most.

Patrick began by explaining that what Erin might be going through right now is the “dark night of the soul”, a state polluted with spiritual dryness and aridity. He asked Erin if they could discuss why she felt so disconnected from Our Lord, and she consented.

“Feel free to say you don’t want to answer if it’s something you don’t want to talk about,” said Patrick. “Were there any deep wounds when you were growing up? Maybe father or mother wounds, or the loss of a marriage or something like that; anything really traumatic that happened to you at some point in your life?”

“Yes,” answered Erin. She explained that following this traumatic wound in her life, she sought help for her mental health through therapy and counseling but found it lacking. This realization inspired her return home to the Church, but for years now she has felt like her spiritual life is empty, and she is considering giving up on healing.

“I wonder if some things in my past are just…unforgivable. Because that’s what it feels like.”

“Okay, let’s talk about that,” said Patrick. “Is abortion one of those things?”

“It is one of those things, yes.”

Patrick asked Erin if she felt as if the healing process had never started, as if she couldn’t forgive herself for this act, and therefore neither could God.

“Yes.”

“I can assure you, Erin, that that is not the voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to you.”

Those are the lies of the devil. He wants you to give up on seeking forgiveness, give up on the sacraments, and give up on the mercy of Our Lord. He wants us to let ourselves be defined by our sins, rather than by the light of Christ.

“There is no sin that you can commit, however heinous, that God, not only cannot forgive, but will not forgive. Because if that were true, that would mean that your sin is more powerful than God’s grace,” said Patrick.

“I’m tired. I’m tired and don’t have the energy anymore to keep fighting this,” replied Erin. She felt desperate and admitted she had turned to habits of self-harm and thoughts of ending her own life.

But Patrick reassured her, explaining that no one person is expected to be able to carry the burden of sin and trauma alone. Just as Jesus was helped to bear his cross by Simon of Cyrene, we require help in bearing our own crosses to the end. The difference is that our journeys do not lead to death on the cross. It is through bearing our crosses that we discover joy, salvation, and life everlasting.

“Come to me, all you who labor

and are burdened, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”

(Matthew 11:28-30)

God did not just die on the cross for the righteous and the holy. He died on the cross for all of us, for we are all sinners in need of saving. As long as we sincerely ask for His forgiveness for all of our sins, Our Lord will meet you with mercy and compassion, regardless of what you have done.

Following Erin’s conversation with Patrick, the show received an avalanche of emails and messages of support for Erin. They encouraged her to stay the course, keep the faith, and ignore the lies of the devil. They echoed the sentiments of the millions of Relevant Radio family members across the world: God loves you, we love you, and we are praying for your healing journey, Erin.

Tune in to The Patrick Madrid Show weekdays 8am – 11am CT