St. James wrote: “What causes wars, and what causes fighting among you? Is it not your passions that are at war in your members? You desire and do not have; so you kill. And you covet and cannot obtain; so you fight and wage war… You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions” (James 4:1-3).
We desire peace, but we experience war and violence; we long for harmony, but we encounter dissention and anger. Often we don’t have to go beyond our own families to prove that what causes war and fighting is our passions, our selfish desires for material things, and our prideful desire to come out on top: not to serve but to have others serve us. This can even distort our religious practices, praying for what we selfishly want—how often have we prayed to win the Lottery? Perhaps the reason why God doesn’t answer such prayers is because he doesn’t want our selfishness to damn us.
On his visit to the U.S., Pope Benedict XVI reminded us of “the decisive role of the family” in promoting world peace:
In the family home we experience ‘some of the fundamental elements of peace: justice and love between brothers and sisters, the role of authority expressed by parents, loving concern for the members who are weaker because of youth, sickness or old age, mutual help in the necessities of life, readiness to accept others and, if necessary, to forgive them.’ The family is also the primary place for evangelization, for passing on the faith, for helping young people to appreciate the importance of religious practice and Sunday observance… [Without the family founded on the] Christ-like mutual self-giving of spouses, sealed by a public promise to live out the demands of an indissoluble lifelong commitment… children are denied the secure environment that they need in order truly to flourish as human beings, and society is denied the stable building blocks which it requires if the cohesion and moral focus of the community are to be maintained” (Pope Benedict XVI, Address to U.S. Bishops at Catholic University of America, April 16, 2008).
In the family we learn that self-control tempers our selfishness and helps us to seek the welfare of others before our own. We learn to control our anger and feelings of hurt—presuming the good will of others—so as to listen the other person’s point of view, to ask for forgiveness from others, and to forgive if necessary.
Each one of us should look at how we need to live temperance. Perhaps it is when we are tired after a long day’s work and we don’t consider how tired the others in the family are. Perhaps it when I unleash my frustration through anger without first trying to understand the needs and situation of the others.
What should motivate us? “Encountering Jesus Christ shapes peacemakers.” For most of us, we learn this in the home, where we first encounter Christ. The family out to “promote a pedagogy of peace.” There “thoughts, words and gestures of peace create a mentality and a culture of peace, and a respectful, honest and cordial atmosphere. There is a need, then, to teach people to love one another, to cultivate peace and to live with good will rather than mere tolerance.” What better place to do this than in the family.
Imagine nations and ethnic groups living out these virtues in their society. Having learned them in their families, they could employ those virtues and attitudes in their approach to neighboring countries or peoples. Then world peace will be more than just a pipe dream, it will be a reality that God works with the help of our efforts… And it all begins with you and me in the family.
