Doug Hinderer tackled a biggie: What to do if your spouse is selfish. 😬 Catch the whole hour here!

Why the Selfishness, Though? 🤔

Before you start fuming, Doug suggests realizing that selfishness has roots:

Bad modeling: Maybe they grew up watching selfish parents.

Childhood wounds: Lack of love or security might’ve left scars.

Insecurity or superiority complex: “I’m the only one who gets it, so back off.”

Scarcity mindset: They’re hoarding the last slice of life’s proverbial pizza.

Personality issues: Things like narcissism or other disorders could play a role.

Good news? You don’t need a PhD in psychology to work on this. (Phew.)

Step 1: Empathy ≠ Enabling ❤️

Doug explains: Seek to understand.

Ask curious, empathetic questions: “Help me understand why you think this is okay…” 🤔

Don’t just call them out. Communicate how their actions affect you.

Bonus tip: Be patient. Change takes time. (Breathe deeply…very deeply.)

Step 2: Speak Their Language, Without Starting WWIII 🕊️

Here’s how to address selfish behavior without causing Vesuvius-style eruptions:

Use “I” statements: “I feel unimportant when you make plans without me.”

Focus on specific actions: Keep it about what happened today, not about that thing from 2007.

Avoid labels: Don’t say, “You’re so selfish!” Instead, target the action, not the person.

Step 3: The Big “B” Word: Boundaries 🚧

Sometimes, ya gotta draw a line in the sand. Doug suggests:

Setting clear expectations for acceptable behavior.

Communicating consequences for crossing those lines: kindly but firmly.

Staying calm, confident, and grounded in what you’re willing to tolerate.

Pro Tip: Don’t Go All Psychologist on Them 🛋️

Doug warns against armchair diagnosing. Don’t throw out phrases like, “This is because of your mommy issues!” Stick to the behavior, not why you think it’s happening. No one wants a lecture: they want solutions.

Prayer Power 🙏

Doug wrapped the episode with a heartfelt Memorare to our Blessed Mother. 💐 He reminded us to lean on grace for strength, and maybe a little divine intervention when things get tough.

The best way to listen to the Best of the Week is on our #1 Free Catholic App. It’s free, and always will be! To get and share the Relevant Radio app, check it out here.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS