You’ve tried everything to fix your marriage, but your spouse says, “I’m out” and the state backs them up… 💔 This is the heartbreak of no-fault divorce. Bai Macfarlane is in to talk about this painful reality. You can check out the whole episode here!
So, What’s the Deal with No-Fault Divorce?
No-fault divorce: The kind where one spouse can bail, no explanation needed… and the state just gives them the green light 🟢. The Catholic spouse left behind is often blindsided, heartbroken, and scrambling.
Bai Macfarlane runs Mary’s Advocates, a nonprofit that fights against no-fault divorce and supports Catholics who’ve been unjustly abandoned.
Most people assume the legal system is fair. But as Bai explains that in most states… even if you’re trying to honor your vows and fight for your marriage, the court doesn’t care. If your spouse wants out, the law forces it.
“It’s like being a widow and trying to convince the courts your husband is still alive.” -Bai 🙁
😤 The Mess We’re In (And How We Got Here)
Some backstory: No-fault divorce got rolling in California back in the Reagan days. The idea was to avoid lies and courtroom drama when both spouses wanted out.
🚨 But here’s the catch: it also empowers unilateral abandonment, with the full force of the state.
Doug sums it up: If I sign a car contract, I can’t just change my mind. With marriage… it’s totally allowed.
Bai shares more hard truths:
-75% of divorces are initiated by just one spouse.
-Courts often label faithful spouses as “controlling” for wanting to keep their vows. 😬
-Legal fees are so expensive for both sides… and still no justice.
-Kids suffer the most, shuffled between homes, often forced to sleep at the house of a cheating parent and their new partner.
Instead of supporting the abandoned spouse, too many people sadly say:
“You’re young. Move on. God wants you happy.”
As Doug and Bai talk about: we don’t say that to people suffering from depression or facing an unplanned pregnancy. Why do we say it to those fighting for their marriage?
❤️ What Can We Do?
Doug and Bai hit it home with some encouragement for us:
-Support your friends who are being left behind. Don’t push them to “move on.” Walk with them. Pray for them.
-Spread the word about Mary’s Advocates. They’re on a mission to defend the truth that marriage is a lifelong covenant, even when it gets hard.
-If you’re prepping for marriage or mentoring couples, talk about this stuff. Help people know that divorce isn’t just a quick escape hatch.
✝️ Final Thought: Your Vows Matter.
This conversation is a wake-up call for all of us. No-fault divorce is not neutral. It’s a wound: to spouses, kids, the Church, and the culture.
But there’s hope. 🙏 Bai’s story is one of faithfulness, perseverance, and a deep love for the Sacrament of Marriage. Even as she holds onto hope for reconciliation in her own marriage, she’s helping hundreds stand strong.
👉 Never forget: your “yes” at the altar still matters. 💍🔥
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