What makes a true friendship? On The Inner Life, Fr. Alan Hoffa joined Patrick Conley to explore philia, the Greek word for friendship love, and why it matters so deeply in the Christian life.
Fr. Hoffa explained that unlike the natural love found within a family, friendship is chosen. It grows through shared values, trust, and time spent together. “You weren’t born into it,” he said. “It’s something where a person has chosen this.”
He pointed out that authentic friendships should bring out the best in us and even draw us closer to God. A good friend encourages virtue, offers honest correction, and becomes a source of joy and strength. Fr. Hoffa reflected on the well-known friendship between Supreme Court Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia, noting how two people with major ideological differences still maintained deep affection and respect for one another. Their bond is a reminder that friendship can transcend disagreements when rooted in mutual goodwill.
Fr. Hoffa also warned against rushing relationships without first building friendship. Drawing from his experience working with young people, he noted how many romantic relationships fail because they skip this foundation entirely. “There’s the problem,” he joked, recalling couples who became serious before ever truly becoming friends.
Strong friendships, he explained, require presence, communication, and shared experiences. Without time together, relationships begin to starve. But when nurtured well, friendship becomes one of the clearest reflections of God’s goodness in our lives.
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