When marriages begin to struggle, many people assume there must have been a dramatic event: an affair, a financial crisis, or a major betrayal. But according to licensed marriage and family therapist Doug Hinderer, most marriages don’t collapse all at once. They weaken slowly, often through years of emotional distance and missed opportunities for connection.
Joining Drew on The Drew Mariani Show, Doug reflected on a heartbreaking call from a man whose wife of 32 years suddenly wanted out of the marriage. While every situation is unique, Doug noted that many couples gradually lose sight of one another while managing careers, raising children, paying bills, and navigating life’s endless responsibilities.
“The marriage starts dying long before it actually dies,” Doug said.
Drawing on the research of Dr. John Gottman, Doug explained that thriving couples consistently respond to one another’s small bids for connection. A shared laugh, a thoughtful question, or a simple act of kindness can strengthen a relationship over time. Ignoring those moments, however, can leave spouses feeling like strangers living under the same roof.
A divorce attorney once asked a woman when she knew her marriage was over. Her answer surprised him: “It was the granola.” For years, her husband would quietly replace her favorite specialty-store granola whenever it ran low. One day he stopped, and it never returned. To her, that small gesture revealed that his heart had drifted elsewhere.
“The little things are really big,” Doug said.
For couples hoping to reconnect, Doug emphasized the importance of staying close to God through regular confession and remaining in a state of grace. He also reminded listeners that conflict itself is not the enemy. Research shows that many marital disagreements are ongoing and never fully resolved. The real danger comes from avoiding difficult conversations altogether.
Healthy marriages aren’t built on grand romantic gestures. They’re built on daily acts of love: a thank you, a thoughtful favor, a listening ear, or even a bag of M&M’s picked up at the grocery store.
Because in marriage, it’s often the little things that tell the biggest story.
The best way to listen to the Best of the Week is on our #1 Free Catholic App. It’s free, and always will be! To get and share the Relevant Radio app, check it out here.