Marriage requires empathy, especially when one spouse carries wounds from the past. But on Marriage Unhindered, Doug Hinderer and Monica explain that healthy empathy must always remain connected to truth.
A caller named Don shared the painful story of a marriage affected by his former spouse’s childhood trauma. Looking back, he believed she needed deeper trauma therapy than the counseling they received. Despite their divorce, Don said he continues to pray for her and hopes their family can someday be restored.
His story highlights an important challenge for couples: Understanding a spouse’s wounds does not mean ignoring harmful behavior.
“There’s a difference between understanding root causes and condoning current behavior,” Doug explained.
Past trauma can affect a person’s ability to form secure attachments, communicate, and connect with a spouse. But Monica emphasized that healing remains possible. The difficulty is that a person may lack the willingness, support, or resources necessary to begin that work.
For married couples, empathy means being able to say: I see your suffering, and I want to walk with you toward healing.
That may require professional help. Monica noted that couples counseling itself demands empathy and attentiveness to one’s spouse. Sometimes, individual healing must happen before a husband and wife can effectively work on their relationship together.
Marriage calls spouses to compassion without abandoning truth. We can recognize the wounds behind someone’s behavior while still encouraging responsibility, healing, and growth.
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