Doug Hinderer has some practical advice for singles looking for their spouse: Don’t just ask yourself whether you’re attracted to someone. Pay attention to the qualities that could make them a good spouse.
On Marriage Unhindered, Doug shares three signs from relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman.
- Does the person take a genuine interest in you, asking questions and listening to your answers?
- Do they treat people well even when there is nothing to gain from it?
- And are they reliable? Do they do what they say they will do?
Doug adds another essential quality: virtue. Look for someone who is not only striving to be a good person but recognizes that growth is lifelong. Marriage will offer countless opportunities to change, mature, sacrifice, and become more virtuous.
And for Catholics, there is another crucial consideration: being aligned in the Faith. Sharing a commitment to God can provide a strong foundation for building a life and family together.
But how do you actually get to know someone? Doug recommends moving beyond small talk with questions such as: What sparks your curiosity? What are your hobbies? Who do you surround yourself with? What do you spend most of your time thinking about?
Perhaps the most revealing question is: “What does a life well-lived look like to you?”
The answer can reveal someone’s values, hopes, and vision for the future – and whether that future might be one you could build together.
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