On Marriage Unhindered, Doug Hinderer responded to a listener who had separated from her husband of 22-years after repeated infidelity. As her civil divorce became final, she faced conflicting advice. A priest encouraged her to return to her maiden name after an annulment, while her late sister had also asked her to do so. But her three adult children hoped she would keep the family name they had always shared.
Doug offered a practical and compassionate perspective. He explained that choosing whether to keep a married name is not a moral issue or a requirement of the Catholic Faith. Rather, it is a personal decision that should be made prayerfully and freely.
While honoring promises and family relationships is important, Doug suggested considering the needs of the children first. Keeping the family name, he said, could provide continuity and stability for them after the upheaval of divorce.
The conversation continued with a moving call from Mary, who shared that she kept her married name after leaving an abusive marriage. For her, the name did not represent her former husband’s failures, but the life God had entrusted to her and the family they shared. She also spoke about continuing to pray for her former husband and his current wife, offering a powerful witness to forgiveness and fidelity.
Whether someone chooses to keep a married name or return to a maiden name, the decision should be rooted in peace rather than anger. As Doug reminded listeners, these personal choices are best made with charity, wisdom, and freedom – not guilt or pressure.
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